Q I am 34 and honestly care about a man, 50. Three years ago I got his number from his brother and called him. During the entire time I have always called him except for two times he called me for information, but not to chat. Our conversations flow smoothly, and I think we have a lot in common. When I call him, he sounds happy to hear from me.
I asked him twice if he was interested in dating, and he mentioned he hadn’t gotten over his wife’s death. Another time I asked him out and he said yes, but we never went anywhere. My family tells me to forget him and stop calling. Am I kidding myself? I consider him a friend but would like something more.
A Sabrina, some people don’t know how to get off the phone. They feel it traps them between lying and being hurtful. Perhaps at 50 he is simply old-school, which means he thinks a person should never be rude, never be impolite, and never fib. He sounds like a man who follows John Henry Newman’s definition of a gentleman: someone who never knowingly inflicts pain on another.
Want and desperation can be like a devil sitting on our shoulder. They block our rationality. When that happens we need to pull back so we don’t embarrass ourselves or harm others. This man’s politeness doesn’t make him your lover or confidante. Do him a kindness and stop calling.
Wayne & Tamara
Q I am very much in love with this girl. I knew I found the right person the moment we were introduced. I thought it was going to be easy for me to get her, but it has been hell. Her picture will not leave my mind. I made her know I will do anything under the sun to make her happy.
I dated another girl to delete the first girl from my memory, but it did not work. I had friends talk to her, but her answer was still the same, No. What do I do? If she will be mine, I will be faithful and love her all my life.
A Jacob, the only answer you will accept is yes. No matter what you think you could do for her in the future, it counts for nothing because you won't listen to her now. Your life will become easier when you realize your will does not get to usurp the will of others.
Wayne & Tamara
Invade – to enter as if to take possession, to intrude upon.