Relationship Advice

The Right Stuff

man with coffee cup

In retrospect I realize I married my wife because I felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. In other words, it was time to settle down with a nice girl. However at this point whatever little attraction I had for her is gone. I've done the counseling and therapy thing but can't muster up any desire.

Three years ago I began an affair with a woman I fell in love with. My wife eventually found out and I came clean. I moved out. Soon official divorce proceedings will begin, and I'm facing an irreversible and harsh decision: go back to my wife who is a great mother, or begin a life with someone who has shown me what it means to truly be in love.

We have two wonderful children. Am I being selfish if I follow through with this divorce?


Lee, centuries ago St. Jerome wrote that the "eyes without speaking reveal the secrets of the heart." Do you think you can lie to your own heart every day without your children knowing it? Your heart knows, how can your feelings not be known?

Yet just as the child of a fisherman becomes a fisherman, your children are likely to recreate the kind of marriage you and your wife have, even though they know something is wrong with it.

That you second-guess yourself shows how hard it is to divorce. But this is not a matter of being selfish or unselfish. It's a matter of emotional integrity. There are lots of nice girls to settle down with, but the only nice girl you can live a lifetime with is the one who is right for you.

Wayne & Tamara