Direct Answers from Wayne &Tamara

Relationship advice authors and columnists Wayne & Tamara Mitchell

Relationship Advice Authors and Columnists

Direct Answers from Wayne &Tamara

Relationship advice authors and columnists Wayne & Tamara Mitchell

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Wayne & Tamara

June 14, 2021 -- Week # 1157

Urges

Q My best friend is a guy I’ve known six years. He is like family. I am married and we are all friends. We would do anything for each other. He had a girlfriend who hated me because she thought we were way too close.

     I hadn’t seen him for about a month because he travels. I’ve always been the chunky one, so during that time I decided to lose weight. Well, when he saw me again, I was down about 20 pounds. He was shocked.

     When I got out of the car, he looked me up and down, put his arms out for a hug, and said, “Well, are you going to give me some love?” So I gave him a hug and we went inside. I’ve lost even more weight since then.

     The next time I saw him, I picked him up. He stays with us when he is in town. We hung out, talked, and drove back to my house. He, my husband, and I went out that night to a little bar where a friend works.

     We were having a great time when one of the guys my husband and I know walked over and gave me a hug. My friend freaked out. He said, “You know she’s married, and this is her husband.” He said that like five or six times.

     Ever since that night, whenever we talk or text, he makes comments about how he will never have sex with me. It doesn’t even fit the conversation. He won’t even look at me anymore when he is talking to me.

     He also says I don’t support him, though I have supported him, right or wrong, a million times. Fine. I don’t see what the problem is after all these years.

     For no apparent reason, he’s not talking to me much, though he calls my husband to ask advice about his ex-girlfriend. Then he goes off about how I don’t pay enough attention to my husband when we all go out. He told my husband he wants to hang out with him, and not include me.

     He also gave my husband a hard time about our “agreement” and said it’s not right. My husband and I have an agreement, when we are out, that we can socialize with whomever we want as long as we go home together.

     My husband and I are not the kind who are all over each other, and our agreement does not include cheating. This is the way it’s been for five years, and my friend has never had a problem with it.

     What in the heck is wrong with him? Why is he acting like this?

     Dominique

A Dominique, Shakespeare’s wrote, “Beshrew the heart that makes my heart to groan.”

     Beshrew is an unusual word that means “to make evil.” If we updated Shakespeare’s language, the quote would read, “Damn that heart of yours for making my heart ache.”

     When you lost weight, he moved you from his friend zone to his sexual fantasy zone. He said he would never have sex with you, because that was exactly what was on his mind.

     You understand that. That’s why you included the phrase “he looked me up and down.”

     First, he tried to warn off other males from giving you attention. Then he tried to get you to show him more affection by claiming you don’t support him. Finally, he began working on your husband. He thought excluding you from their company would increase your desire for him.

     He is punishing you for his thwarted sexual interest, breaking the rules of friendship, and blaming you for it. His heart groans with desire for you.

     He is either going to have you or end his friendship with you. That’s why you and your husband can’t be friends with him anymore.

     Wayne & Tamara

write:  Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com