Seven months ago I met a really wonderful man. He was kind, understanding, and a great communicator. He shared my love of the outdoors and accepted me for who I am. This was particularly important to me because I have a high sex drive and have had relationships where my lover just wasn’t up to it. Now I seem to be punished for who I am.
Why? Because the wonderful man I fell in love with, after seven months of monogamous dating, announced he wanted not only group play but actually to have an open relationship. He wants to date others and be free to see ex-girlfriends. Already he has thrown a party to which I was not invited, so he could have sex with an ex.
He said the greatest gift a lover could give is to be absent and allow their lover to be with someone else. Right now he is seeing an ex who is visiting town. Another ex comes to town soon, and a lover from overseas is due next month. At the same time he’s caught up with an old girlfriend and is organizing a date with a new girl he met two months ago.
He says when he sleeps with another it makes him want to come back to me all the more. He says an open relationship is a loving one and our capacity for love is endless. I feel he is manipulating me. He lied to get me interested and now wants me to approve his seedy lifestyle. Am I right? Or is it possible, if I had a different attitude, I could really enjoy this like he says?
Selena, people involved in swinging and other erotic fixations are almost always extraordinarily open, friendly, and welcoming. Why? Because they are constantly recruiting others to play a part in their game.
In the novel Oliver Twist Fagin appears first as Oliver’s benefactor, but his real aim is to turn Oliver to a life of crime. The drug dealer on the corner gives you a free taste in the beginning, but that’s the last free taste you’ll get from him. And the man who abuses women doesn’t slap them on the first date; he waits until they are emotionally invested before acting like himself.
As you were growing up no love song, noble tale, or ancient story made this lifestyle seem appealing to you. Women have moved out of the realm of being chattel, out of the realm of having no vote, and out of the realm of being unable to support themselves. They need to move out of the realm of being used in every other way.
This man is like a shark on a feeding frenzy, and he wants to use you as his ticket to group activities. No part of that is part of your nature. If he told you in the beginning he wanted you as part of his harem, you would have run. That is still the only course.
Wayne & Tamara