Featured Short Letter

This Week - Bad Company

My close friend of four years suddenly became involved in illegal activities and surrounded herself with people who make me uncomfortable. She assures me these things should not in any way affect our friendship, but the fact is they truly do!

When I first met her she was shy, and now that she's involved in drugs and crazy parties she seems to be a different person. In social situations she doesn't hesitate to point out my flaws. It seems she only likes me around so she can feel superior.

My fiancé despises her and tells me I should break all ties. A group of friends approached me saying the same thing--that her destructive behavior wasn't just affecting her but deeply affecting me as well.

My greatest worry is by cutting off our friendship she may float deeper into a harmful lifestyle. It's come to a point where I avoid her calls and emails. I feel this is an awful way to end a friendship. How can I end our friendship in a way that doesn't harm her any more than she has harmed herself?

Sophia

Sophia, you are in a danger zone. People see she is changing you for the worse, and acting as a middleman between her and them may put them in harm's way as well. You are not a social worker. Even trained professionals would have a hard time helping her.

Chasing after her shows you think highly of her. Cutting her off tells her you don't accept her behavior. End this friendship in as quiet and as natural and as quick a way as possible.

Wayne & Tamara

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Last Week - The Wrong Foot

My boyfriend and I were friends for four years and recently started dating. During our friendship we fell deeply in love and now want to be married. During our months together, we have noticed his dad doesn't like me, so we have come up with a way to get married without his father objecting.

I will get pregnant. We want our families at the wedding, and we don't want to elope. What do you think?

Suki

Suki, you can't change anyone else. You can be a good person and respectful. You can be a great mom and a great wife and perhaps win him over. But that is not your purpose in life. Your purpose in life is to be a good person for its own sake.

Let your actions speak for you, let your character shine, let people know you for who you are. Be worthy of respect, and if there are others who don't respect you, never give them a second thought. Some people can't be won over.

Part of being worthy of respect is not using ploys to force from others what is not freely given.

Wayne & Tamara

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Two Weeks Ago - Is This Love?

My boyfriend and I have been living together a year. We have a wonderful relationship and a deep connection. However, our biggest fights are over his pot smoking. He knows my utter displeasure with this.

Fifteen minutes before we were to meet my parents for an evening out, he smoked pot with his friends. I feel like this is drawing the line. He feels smoking pot is like having a beer. I disagree. I feel we have hit a wall, but I wonder if I am overreacting.

He used to smoke almost every day, now less than once a month. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. I am sick of fighting over this every time there is smoke in the air

Nuria

Nuria, moments before meeting your parents he does the one thing most likely to irritate you and create problems with them. In his natural state your boyfriend is a pot smoker. In your natural state you don't like pot smokers. Are you trying to make a career out of changing him?

If you can't stop his pot smoking in a year, you haven't been able to touch his attitude, and his attitude is what allows for the pot smoking. Our tastes, our attitudes, and our beliefs make us who we are. More than pot makes him a pot smoker, and more than pot caused him to ambush you.

Wayne & Tamara

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