Featured Short Letter

This Week - Cold Turkey

I dated a girl two years. The first time it ended because she started doing drugs and wouldn't stop. When she began dating a druggie friend, I continued giving her rides, a place to crash for a night, and money. Then she left him and came back to me.

Cautiously I decided to give it another try. Unfortunately I found out she had been dating this other man and me at the same time. It ended once more. Later we started to talk again, but that ended with her taking my time and money, and then leaving.

My conscious mind can recognize she is all-around not a good person, much less good for me. I know she has taken much from me and given little in return. My mind seems to have completely gotten over her, but my body can't seem to.

Whenever I see any white car remotely resembling hers, I turn and stare. If I see a girl with the same skin complexion, I can't help but gaze. When I hear her name, my stomach tightens, and if I see her, I feel immensely downtrodden.

I would say without a doubt I am over her, but I can't help feeling queasy and even jealous when I hear news of her, good or bad. These are all instinctual, involuntary actions. I don't understand.

Dylan

Dylan, warnings not heeded, conscience not listened to, red lights driven through. Sooner or later, they all catch up to you. So will you heed another warning, or will you boldly go where no man should go?

Don't be a lemming, or just another mouse for the snake. Warnings we don't heed are snakes we feed. When you were with her, you were way overmatched. This is a woman who charms men to support her habits.

The queasiness and jealousy you feel are textbook symptoms. Twice you were given ample reason to sever contact, and twice you refused. It's not her you need to get out of your system, it's your personal weakness.

By spreading out the pain of breaking up, you reinforced it. Like Pavlov's dog, you trained yourself to salivate at the very thought of her. If you hadn't spent so much time trying to turn ground beef into steak, you would be over this.

Wayne & Tamara

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Last Week - "My Bad"

I married the wrong man for the wrong reasons. We have known each other for about five years and been married less than a year. I know I am an awful person, right? Before I married Ed I was an energetic free-spirited person. Now my friends and family tell me I have changed and not for the better. He is a nice guy, but we don't want the same things. Help me figure a way out of this mess.

Kiara

Kiara, this isn't unusual. Your relationship wasn't going to end until you married him. It's a head game many people play on themselves: I've been with him four years, and unless I get a proposal, I will feel I failed. Sometimes a mistake has to be fully made before we can admit it.

Your heart knows it's wrong. It doesn't feel the way it should feel. So go to him and be honest. Don't point a finger at him. Take all the blame on yourself; otherwise his next bride will suffer for what you have done to him. Take the full burden of consequences on yourself because that will help you not to do it again.

Wayne & Tamara

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Two Weeks Ago - Suspicions

I work for a small company. Since I have been on board our very young owner has made accusations, but today was the worst. He was getting ready to leave and next to me was a check from one of our customers. It was similar in color to the ones I cut and he signs.

He wasn't gone 10 minutes when I got a phone call, asking me why I signed one of our checks. I was dumbfounded then looked around and saw the customer's check. I told him what he had seen and assured him I do not sign checks because I'm not authorized. There was great hesitation in his voice, and since then he has been rude and snappy with me.

Meghan

Meghan, your boss "saw" something he didn't see. Rather than be disproven, he wants to defend himself and carry around the idea he wasn't wrong. Perhaps he's under stress, sensitive about his authority, or likes to bully others. Perhaps he is suspicious of others because he knows himself to be untrustworthy.

Whatever the case, you have to protect yourself. Document the date and time of the phone call and details about the check involved. Explain to others what happened. In the meantime, act absolutely above board and professionally. If you think your job is in danger, act like your job is in danger and take steps to find a more welcoming workplace.

Wayne & Tamara

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