Featured Short Letter

This Week - Ear to The Ground

I've been married 35 years to the same woman. We dated since we were 15, and she was a stay-at-home mom until the kids grew up. I've never hidden anything from her. Everything I own including bank accounts and rental property is in both our names.

In the past few years she's started to save her paycheck in a separate account under her name only. She defends it saying she's heard some women in a divorce are shortchanged and she wants to protect herself.

I've never done this, and I don't think it's fair. Perhaps she has plans she is not telling me about.

Philip

Philip, when a tire is losing air, at some point you have to pull it off the car, dump it in a tank of water, and find the leak.

"What's yours is ours, and what's mine is mine" isn't fair. Your wife wants private money for what? Gambling, secret credit cards, another man… Is she saving for an Alaskan cruise for the two of you? Or does she merely want something to call her own?

Relationships don't thrive when placed under a microscope, but because you haven't both agreed to this you need to find an explanation. Take an unobtrusive look around and listen for the sound of hissing air.

Wayne & Tamara

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Last Week - Sticks and Stones

I am newly remarried and recently my husband compared a part of my body to his ex-wife, who I will call X. We were fooling around, and he grabbed my breast and said, "Nice, but X's are bigger." I freaked.

I flipped him out of his chair, kicked him, and pushed him down the hallway, hitting and screaming at him. Last time I had that much anger and acted like that, I was in my 20s, angry at my first husband, and alcohol was involved.

I feel bad I hit him and have made an appointment for counseling. My husband has apologized, but now I am thinking he must still be thinking of his ex, since he mentioned her body parts like that. I was not previously jealous, but now I am.

He has to maintain a relationship with her as they have a young child together. I am attractive, and she is fat and not very pretty. Should I just drop this? Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing.

Staci

Staci, the old line about sticks and stones is false. Words do hurt, especially from a loved one.

The real story is your feelings toward his ex-wife. In marrying him, you became her hostage. She is a cash and time drain on your marriage. Their child is a reminder of their sexual relationship. Even though you both have a past, you have to wonder, what did he do with her? How do I compare?

The issue to explore in counseling is the basis of your gut reaction. Love, not looks, is the real basis for comparison with the ex-wife. If you and your husband share the deep emotional connection which holds two people together, there is nothing to worry about.

Wayne & Tamara

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Two Weeks Ago - Hoodwinked

I just have one question. My husband slept with one of my so-called friends. I think he slept with another one of my so-called friends and flirted with a third so-called friend. He says I am blowing things out of proportion. What should I do?

Astrid

Astrid, you are in a so-called marriage with a so-called husband, and you have so-called friends. Life is not "so-called." It's the real deal.

In your heart you know a relationship is supposed to be wonderful. In your heart you know friends are supposed to be trustworthy. In your heart you know you can never be happy with "so-called" people in your life.

Wayne & Tamara

Send letters to: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com